Marriages – why are they failing among Badagas now?
The question is a troubling one but reflects a harsh reality.
Badagas usually get married on ‘arranged system‘. The parents of eligible boys look for a suitable girl from the hattis which have a MOREY (மொரெ). After the customary ‘Hennu Noduvadhu’ – the parents visit the girl’s house, approve the match for the son ( many times the boy also accompanies them), and if the ‘CHEMISTRY’ works, then the marriage is fixed – Madhuve Nitchchiya Maadiyaara.
In good old days, the ‘marriage’ gets confirmed only when the girl becomes (seven months) pregnant. That was the time THALI – Kanni (yellow thread) was tied around the girl’s neck ceremoniously by the husband. It was known as KaNNi (kattuva) Madhuve கண்ணி கட்டுவ மதுவே. If the girl does not become pregnant, the problem was always considered to be on the part of the girl (an unfortunate and rather cruel system of the Indian male dominated society). It may be a ground for divorce and in in some cases, a reason for a second wife. Remember, in those days, girls were married off at a very young age.
But the saving grace was that divorcees could get married again and divorce was NOT considered taboo. There were hardly any UNMARRIED boys and girls in hattis.
Unlike those ‘good old’ days, now we find a large number of girls and boys remaining UNMARRIED. In many cases, the failed marriages have resulted in DIVORCED (புடிச்சத) men and women remaining single.
What are the reasons?
- Is it due to the (incorrect interpretation of) Morey system?
2. The educated and employed girls, not finding a compatible match?
3. The unreasonable expectation from the boys (and their parents) side that the girls should settle in hattis?
4. The reality that many marriages have failed and resulted in divorces and hence has created a feeling that “better to be single than to get married & get divorced”
On FB and many of the Badaga Madhuve sites, there are many girls and boys willing to get married but suitable matches are not found. Why?
[ps: Incidentally, I am also seriously looking for a suitable match for my unmarried son, who is 44, English medium educated, including a PG from Canada, highly independent, from Aaru Ooru (Jakkadha Commune) – Porangadu Seeme. Divorced girls – no problem. Above 35 years and willing to take over running the house and take care of the properties. Contact firstname.lastname@example.org :: Whatsapp – 8637677373)