‘Breaking’ Marriages.

It is very sad but true. Many marriages among Badagas are breaking and ending in divorce ‘buduchuvadhu’.

A sacred institution that is meant to be for life is not even lasting for a few months. I heard the shocking story, recently, that the girl returned home the same evening of the wedding not for ‘marumanay’ but for good. She was forced by her parents and those of the groom’s when she refused to get married in the ‘first place’ that lot was at stake. Really sad !What are the reasons?

One is surprised to see so many nice looking, educated and employed boys and girls among Badagas ready for marriage but hesitate to tie the knots since they not sure for how long the sacred marriage would last?

Is it the ‘old mind set’ of the boys and their parents that the ‘wife – hendaru or daughter in law – sosay’ is expected to be only a second class citizen bringing water, cleaning the house, cooking and bearing children even if educated?

Shockingly, it appears, the BPO driven ‘night shift’ non-performing boys, cannot carryout the fundamental principal of a marriage [that proclaims that a marriage is nothing but a public announcement of a private affair] and suffer from erectile dysfunctions and sexual deficiencies and thus cannot face their partners. Then they blame it all on the girl when they are grilled by his parents and relatives with the typical but crude Badaga sense of outrage, ‘ Ennu basaru aapillay’ya? – has she not become pregnant yet??

Are the educated and employed girls not ready to share and enjoy life but live in a false world that they are ‘more’ than equal in most respects and forget the adage that the fundamental requirement for a successful marriage is nothing but ‘adjustment’? Do they feel being single is better than being singled out for failures??

Seeking a non – Badaga partner seems to be a fashion and passion without differentiating between love and infatuation.

Where is the problem, really?

Are we, the elders, with blinkers firmly in place, not seeing the truth in a broader perspective? Are we contributing to the cause in a negative way and condemning our great community to a curse??

[Reproduced]

Now, Nive, writes to protest :
Do you think love is fake when it comes to a non Badaga partner….. even if not all, few know the difference btwn Love and Infatuation. Am I not right? So what you try to say is that love between badagas is true ,but between a Badaga and other is fake?

Hello Nive,I am surprised that you completely missed the point. Read my comments/opinion again. Love, by definition, is ‘blind’. Infatuation, on the other hand, is a temporary phenomena. I am aware of lot many successful LOVE marriages between Badagas and non Badagas. I am also aware, that there is nothing known as ‘love by design or default’. Thanks for the comments, anyway, it tells me that my words need to be put in proper way. The larger point, I am trying to make out is “why are so many Badaga marriages breaking ? Is ‘morey’ the single most reason that prevents young Badagas seeking or falling in ‘love’ with another Badagas? – Wg Cdr JP

Sofia Joghee comments :

“Marriages break in all communities. Its not just confined to Badagas. But the positive note is that, remarriage is not a problem in our community, because every one I believe is broad minded enough to understand that marriages could go wrong. What I have seen is in other communities, people have some horoscope match findings on top of the general points to think, to minimize the breakage. Yet, they happen, its just fate of some due to karmas. But looking into the percentages, we might be more, because of the smaller size in communities.

Most of the marriages within Badagas are forced by the restrictions in our community is very much true. My friends have told me that their parents have permitted them to choose their partners as long as they are Badagas. So, there is no restriction on that point. Choosing is different than falling in love you see. One who really love each other are one in soul, thus can forgive their partner for any blunder and can not be separated for long enough. That’s the strength of true love.

I strongly feel we need to change our mind set of being too restrictive to accepting other society girls as our sosay (daughter in law) and getting our daughters married to other society guys but still include them in our rituals and functions. The more we try to isolate, the community growth will anyway be small. Because, for the kind of distances the current generation is travelling, it is really difficult to restrict choices. In that case of restricting, may be we need t restrict our dressing styles to our food habits, can we really do that? We need to see evolution through adapting to changes.”

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3 responses to “‘Breaking’ Marriages.

  1. Dear Wg Cdr,

    I strongly feel that I am fortunate to have found your website when I was searching the internet to know in detail about the Badaga community and their customs.

    I am a 33 yr young, self-disciplined person. I am a non-Badaga. I am a person who listens only to what my heart says when it comes to making decisions with respect to my life. My heart has strongly convinced me to get married to a Badaga angel whom I recently met. I proposed her my wish to marry her. She accepted my proposal at first as she too had the same feeling towards me. But, all of a sudden, she started refusing profusely to proceed further fearing her parents’, especially her dad’s anger towards falling in love with a non-Badaga guy. I am trying my best to convince her that I am capable and confident of speaking with her parents, community heads, etc and assure them that their little Princess will be a Queen forever with me & ONLY with me. FYI My dream was to become a Fighter Pilot in the IAF. Unfortunately, being a victim of our education system & lack of proper awareness, I had to sacrifice my dream of becoming a Fighter Pilot and dream bigger to achieve greater heights. As a result of which I became a school teacher. Presently, I am a freelancing tutor working on setting up an academy mainly for school students with a tailor made curriculum. I was an active NCC Air Wing Cadet during my UG years. I was a part of the contingent that represented TN, Pondi and A and N Islands in the Republic Day Celebration Camp 2003. I have the privilege of meeting the then President Dr.APJ Abdul Kalam in his official residence. I also have the greater privilege of marching in front of the then PM Shri AB Vajpayee in the PM’s rally at Garrison Parade Grounds, Delhi. I am providing these information in order to help you assess a little atleast about what sort of a person I am. Wg Cdr, I would greatly appreciate your guidance in this regard. I will be eagerly waiting to hear from you.

    Thank You Sir & Jai Hindh!!

    Like

  2. I want to learn Badaga… I am not a Badaga and my girl is a Badaga , then is there any problem for us to get married?

    Like

  3. Marriages break in all communities. Its not just confined to Badagas. But the positive note is that, remarriage is not a problem in our community, because every one I believe is broad minded enough to understand that marriages could go wrong.

    What i have seen is in other communities, people have some horoscope match findings on top of the general points to think, to minimize the breakage. Yet, they happen, its just fate of some due to karmas.

    But looking into the percentages, we might be more, because of the smaller size in communities. Most of the marriages within Badagas are forced by the restrictions in our community is very much true.

    My friends have told me that their parents have permitted them to choose their partners as long as they are Badagas. So, there is no restriction on that point. Choosing is different than falling in love you see. One who really love each other are one in soul, thus can forgive their partner for any blunder and can not be separated for long enough. That’s the strength of true love.

    I strongly feel we need to change our mind set of being too restrictive to accepting other society girls as our sosay (daughter in law) and getting our daughters married to other society guys but still include them in our rituals and functions. The more we try to isolate, the community growth will anyway be small. Because, for the kind of distances the current generation is travelling, it is really difficult to restrict choices.

    In that case of restricting, may be we need t restrict our dressing styles to our food habits, can we really do that? We need to see evolution through adapting to changes.

    Like

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