Time to change with changing times?

Narmu  writes : “I am new to this site. I am very proud to be a Badaga girl. Our people are very loving, caring and are with humanity to a great extent except when it comes to inter caste marriage. They even accept when our boy marries a non-Badaga girl, but they really don’t accept when our girl marries with a non-Badaga boy. My view is that the parents ego plays a vital role. In today’s trends both the men and women are matured enough to choose their spouse. Any one who comes across this post, dont mistake me, its just my views”.

 

(Please note:  This website encourages all shades of opinions from viewers. You may agree or NOT agree with the views of some  but  harsh comments/ posts will not be approved/published. Editing or deletion of comments is at the discretion of the author/editor- Wg Cdr JP)

This topic, in my opinion, needs our urgent attention. There is plenty of truth in what Narmu says. Do we, especially the elders in the community, need to change our mind set? Is it not time to change with the ‘changing times’?? – Wg Cdr JP

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27 responses to “Time to change with changing times?

  1. I don’t understand the importance of this custom. Giving it a backdrop of preserving culture. After 10 years down the line our next generation wont even know the importance of culture. I believe that simply forcing your wish on your kids ONLY because of the fear of being outcast is so shocking. I thought its 2017 !!!
    FYI no one can outcast you or your family from any community or culture. It is well covered under the Indian Constitution.
    Please get rid of this mentality cause just confining yourself in one area and giving it the name of saving culture doesn’t make sense at all.
    If at all you want to save culture include other people…spread it…invite people to join. Else it will die a slow death like any other culture.’

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  2. The issue put forth by Narmu definitely needss a lot of scrutiny. The situation stated by her wherein a Badaga male marrying a Non-Badaga female being accepted, whereas a Badaga female marrying a Non-Badaga male being rejected by village elders and headmen , is a detestable case of gender injustice and inequality. I have come across people in my village giving an even more detestable explanation to this practice. Their belief is that when a Badaga male marries a Non-Badaga female, he is bringing the latter into the community, as it is believed commonly that we follow a patrarchal system where the wife follows the husband’s caste practices and customs. But when a Badaga female marries a Non-Badaga male, she leaves the community and becomes a part of her husbands community. In my opinion, a good husband will and should give his wife the basic right to practice and follow customs which she believes in, irrespective of whether he himself believes in them or not. It is a simple case of the fundamental and universal “theory of Individual Differences”. This generation has consolidated it into- ” Live and Let Live”. Thus, the above mentioned situation of rejecting inter-caste marriages, specifically those involving Badaga females, is highly illogical, questionable and nothing more than an ‘assumptive so-called community rule’ put forth by a few Badaga individuals who have unnecessarily constrained their minds in the name of upholding one’s caste. This is not what constitutes culture and tradition. Culture and tradition emanates from the way we think and the way we live. It has little to do with the caste or creed of the individual whom we wish to marry. Marriage is a matter of the heart, and the heart is never shackled by man-made and material limits.

    I am in full agreement with you. It is high time that we, the Badagas, as part of a larger Indian context. accept that gender equality in all spheres, be it in sharing the property or having an equal voice, right to education etc is ensured. It is High Time to change with the changing times – Wg Cdr JP

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  3. Gokul Muralidharan

    Mutual respect is needed among communities not even tolerance, as of life and life partner every one should have their freedom, come on this the new India, I hope the youth will agree…see this

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Sorry everyone for the below comments, its just my opinion !!

    I’m a Badaga guy. I respect Badaga, every people, place and our culture. I love the life living here with everyone.

    Want to say something, please do not mistake me if it hurts someone.

    If everyone needs to save culture and no changes needed, then why does people want to go down two steps from BC(Backward Class) directly down to ST(Even skipping MBC), its because to get allocation for education/govt jobs, govt schemes get approved to ST very fast. Don’t you say this as a change for the community. Will this alone can be accepted. But not the below change(Ready to swap the self-respect from BC to ST but not with the below inter-caste marriage). Feeling sad for people who love a non-badaga.

    Just if someone choosing a beloved who is non-badaga(as a Life Partner), all past history will be erased from the dictionary of Badaga. The person can never come back to his community. Why is this so ?

    Another instance, I have seen a badaga girl forced to marry a guy and got married. I saw as soon as the marriage got over, the girl came back in a week to their home saying I can’t live there. In this case what happens is second marriage for both, for girl again it will be forced to.

    Second marriage is perfectly ok for community ? Am I right ?
    I would like to recall the proverb “Oruvanuku Oruthi” – a good old golden words I heard somewhere.

    People were ready go for the second option(Remarriage) when the X-pair is alive but will not agree for bringing someone from other caste isn’t it ? I don’t know what is the strategy behind this.

    As far as I heard, I knew its 700 years old culture we have several procedures to get married. But still, will it be wrong when going to choose anyone outside the caste by falling with love and to marry the first time instead of going for remarriages. I knew remarriages are not with all cases, but still forcing someone to marry within the caste will not end in a happiest life. Its my own thought, please excuse if someone felt hurt because of my words.

    I would say, we might need to think out of the box. I saw most of my friends gone for the love marriage and both the sides agreed to them and married happily and they started their life.

    Here the Boys vs Girs ratio as of now is 100:1(I heard from my friend, not sure how far its true), for 100 Boys there is 1 Girl. Don’t know how far this will work.

    In my village, people are not getting girl to get married even after 30, 35, till 38.

    At first we are Indians then we are categorized to Badagas !!
    I would say its a God’s gift to be born as a Badaga !

    Here I’m not sure when all people will be treated equally. 🙂

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  5. I loved a baduga boy but their parents are very very stubborn, I cried so much to accept our love n arrange our marriage but they seem very adamant. Why there is still caste discretion wen all humans are equal. There is nothing much bigger in this world other than pure love n caring.

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  6. What happens if a baduga guy marries other caste girl?is india an independent nation? Then why these caste discriminations? All these kind of rules were discovered only by people who are at the age of 60 and who are already married..what about the youngsters? What caste is the rice u eat?what caste is the water u drink?what caste is the dress u wear?why can’t you see the caste in all those things? Its because u can’t live without that?why you are becoming so cruel when it comes to marriage?please don’t kill someone’s happiness and don’t spoil someone’s life by creating these useless rules…

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  7. I had read some of the command above…………
    I too wish to share mine and i am asking Sorry in starting itself for if my words and thoughts are wrong………………..

    I do agree on inter caste marriage specially for the love marriages in badaga…..

    We are the one who created this culture creed caste religion all……
    Is created by us not by nature to save it……Do you care if people cut trees or destroy your environment…. no we don’t…… can you stop natural disaster??? similarly love can’t be stopped because of caste creed religion etc……
    Ok if you make the couples to marriage according to you within your caste if there don’t love or like each other what can you do if your son or daughter is not happy…..

    Life is given ones live as you wish and allow your young ones to breadth ….. Don’t block there air in the name on caste religion creed etc…..

    All are same we are just a mud of human beings…..
    We have we are going to die one day… we don’t bring sadness in any ones life when we born and we did not bring this caste creed religion etc when we came to this world….

    When we are going go from this world we don’t take anything from this world not your caste creed religion ect…..
    Every caste and religion prayer the same when we go please give rest to the soul lord….
    You don’t say god he is from my caste my religion etc please see his soul well…….

    When children respect your feelings respects there feelings to give a chance to there decision too….

    Don’t steal there happiness in the name of caste creed religion etc…..

    I don’t know how many of you agree my words….
    I am sorry if i am wrong….

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Working as a software engineer in Coimbatore. I am non Badaga and like Badaga people very much by their culture and attitude.

    [Comment moderated – Wg Cdr JP]

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  9. I am from chennai.I am a non-badaga, but I want to marry a Badaga girl,because I have never seen unity like Badaga people’s. I love them so much and also I want to join them. Is it possible?. Please help me

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Love is also a wonderful culture.if a guy and a girl really love each other they should also love their culture so don’t worry about community and culture…..

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I am a non Badaga girl and I am truly in love with a Badaga boy.I respect the culture and the tradition of Badaga community and its people.I am ready to accept any criteria of society, that will support intercast marriage. I like to be a part of this community and lead a life as a simple human being. Anybody, pls reply for this….

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I am new to the site but I read lot of discussion ..I have a suggestion from what I got about inter caste marriage…. All are speaking about protect our culture.

    A baby is born.That small baby never knows about our culture and language. Our parents teach each and everything. We have to consider an outsider as like small a baby, and so, teach each and everything; at the same time about the culture of Badaga community so that it can spread across to various communities ..I agree

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    • Fear is the most infectious condition in world. If you think about disaster, you will get it. Brood about death and you hasten your demise. Think positively and masterfully, with confidence and faith, and life becomes more secure, more fraught with action, richer in achievement and experience. If you are confident about the person you marry from another cast, you can easily make him or her about our tradition. Do not be very upright in your dealings for you would see by going to the forest that straight trees are cut down while crooked ones are left standing. Its change or perish in current scenario.

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      • Hi Vinoth,

        Very thoughtful post . I found your comments interesting especially
        ” for you would see by going to the forest that straight trees are cut down while crooked ones are left standing ” …. is this a proven fact ? I have never heard of this before yet it seems so true with regards to people’s upright dealings… If you could give some more info on this , it would be great.

        Thanks,

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  13. If Intercast marriage is accepted… I doubt even this website will be still exists with the same web address…. Think in all aspects before deciding… Moreover it depends on individuals….

    I agree if intercast marriage is accepted indiscriminately, then not only this website but nothing Badaga will exist as Badaga. Point is not that intercast marriage should become a norm per se but exceptions will have to be made. When we accept that education is the most important aspect that will save our community, we have to accept that global education [here or abroad] and consequently the employment anywhere in this world, brings with it the chance to meet, mingle and sometimes resulting Badagas in marrying outsiders. Can you deny that fact? The choice in front of many parents is to see their wards remaining singe or unmarried for long or to accept that the boys and girls are mature enough to make a choice that would make them happy.That, is the reality of 21st century.- Wg Cdr JP

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  14. The communities which have resisted change have vanished, the best example is our neighbor todas, the majority of Todas changed to Christianity because of laws in community. Forget about the changes happening across world, let us first assess the situation in our community.

    Someone has mentioned about the ratio, it is pathetic at present. Every big hatty has atleast 40+ males waiting to get married even though they are well qualified professionally and financially. Anyone in this forum who has someone to get married in his or her house should know well about this. If this continues, its going to affect the society badly, may lead to extramarital affairs and marrying within the seeme(akka-thange).

    Its easy for a girl, if she is smart and has chosen a good person, it does not matter which community she is going to live. But think about a guy, he cannot go to his hutty, nor attend his parents funeral, its cruel. The elders have to change their mindset, they have to understand what is happening in our society and across the world. By the time these people die and rules change, lot of boys are going to lose their lives.

    Kotagiri and Mekkunadu are far more better, they have accepted it, but in Thodhanadu its just like khap panchayats in Haryana. When a girl or boy is matured enough to live alone far from his or her place in India or abroad, they will be smart enough to decide their lives also. Even the middle east well known for ultra orthodox has changed, its time for us to change or else it will affect us badly.

    Lets not forget, we live once, time and life are precious
    .

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  15. Being an unmarried girl I am against inter-caste marriage. I don’t want to tell how my parents will think then! We will surely lose our identity in the society if inter caste marriages are encouraged. Development among a community should make it grow and not to disappear… We are proud that our people today are roaming throughout the World making many changes if this is encouraged then our people will be existing and not the culture. I am against this…..

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  16. shanker krishnamurthy

    …if intercaste marriage is accepted then after a flow of years will there be people to say I proud to be a Badaga?. I will never accept a intercaste marriage. To be frank I am first a Badaga then only Hindu or Indian.

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    • Abhinash tomar

      You are firstly Badaga then you are Hindu or INDIAN..hats off for you man..you are living in a country like India and dont have any respect towards it..this shows due to your community debate on inter caste marriage how much thinking of yours has been affected..keep going bro

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  17. Culture is something that one adapts. Are we not learning English to survive? Does it mean we forgot Badagu?
    For people who are so strict about not adapting, should keep it to themselves and not impose on others. Why don’t we all just go back to our hatti and do agriculture and grace cows instead of using computers for any matter? We have grown because we have adapted. Lets not restrict the growth. Keep faith and culture within and let it nurish.

    Main problem is not that the parents are opposing, but if the parents accept such marriages, their final rituals face lot of issues in our community. Also, the person who has done inter-caste marriage is treated as if the parents are no more their parents. Who on earth or any community for that matter devoid a child from parents just because they chose their partners. Inter state, and inter caste marriages have enriched lot of cultures since history. Those cultures who have tried to be closed have depleted soon. Its only fear that is prevailing and narrow thoughts, which we have to overcome.
    We need to change, at least for the kind of global movement of our people, culture is something we have in our heart and what we follow and not in choosing a soul mate.

    ….no body encourages because, everybody thinks somebody will ill treat them and anybody could question them. Fear is the major factor. Unconditional love will prevail in this world. don’t condition and restrict it to ourselves. Spread love and respect, it will reflect on us. World is like a mirror, we get what we give.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I agree to what you have said Jaypee brother. Days are now changing and its a comedy that some one claims that ” karu harasudhu” comes from somewhere else!!!!
    We on the whole think and like our Badugas to stay as such what we are.I think all of us have that in mind as a Baduga, but it is left to their own opinion if they need to marry their girl out side or marry a girl from other religion or caste towards their family.

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  19. Uniqueness will always be enriched with integration. Extreme thoughts will only create more rebellious actions and people will tend to drift away from our culture.Instead, if you try to accommodate some minor differences, you will win more hearts .Guidelines are better than strict rules. Indian civilization is still alive today because it did not enforce but rather accommodated so many diverse cultures along so many centuries. We do not need any police to protect such a rich community as ours. “Change is the only constant ” .Why are people opposing about changes ??

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    • “Uniqueness will always be enriched with integration…!!!” can you please enlighten us mere mortals on how does this hold good for cultures. Calling those who don’t toe your line “Narrow Minded” doesn’t make you more evovlved!!! Just shows your disregard for others opinion..

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  20. A Culture is to be a culture only when it has an unique characteristics in it. One change will open the way for another change and then so on,then one final day our community will disappear and I totally disagree with what is posted.May be its an openion but to be a Badaga ” Save our Culture ” that is the great honour that we do to our community.Even after several we can shoot up the statement that ” I’m a proud Badaga”. Anand has given a clear statement …… while we have lots to discuss about how to save our community.

    Hello Senthil, thanks for your comments. What statements/comments should appear in my website will be decided by me. I agree with you that we have lots to discuss about how to save our community. The greatest threat to our community and culture is the shocking religious conversion ( many times forced or lured by money) to Christianity. This neo converts have gone to the extent of claiming that ‘savu karu harachodhu’ is from their holy book. Or, for example, many Badagas prefer to talk to each other [including within family] ONLY in Tamil instead of ‘BADAGU’ or see the number of disgusting ‘tappangkuthu ‘ videos uploaded in YouTube as Badaga dance, what can we do about that? It is a FREE world, everybody is entitled to voice his/her opinion. – Wg Cdr JP

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  21. Can we call a non Badaga guy as “IYYABETTA”? CAN HE WEAR DOTHI AND DANCE IN OUR HABBA? BADAGA IS BADAGA… ….. NOBODY IS ENCOURAGING BADAGA WITH NON BADAGA MARRIAGE……. [some portion deleted – Wg Cdr JP]

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  22. Why talk about inter caste marriage? We should try to protect our culture and customs maintained by our elders. Our male female ratio is not that bad, we encourage these type of statements. Everyone will get their life partners within our community. In my opinion no need to encourage this.

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