The breaking marriages….

A sacred institution that is meant to be for life is not even lasting for a few months. I heard the shocking story, recently, that the girl returned home the same evening of the wedding not for ‘marumanay’ [part of a wedding rituals among Badagas where the bride or rather the newly married daughter returns to her parental home for the first time after marriage] but for good. She was forced by her parents and those of the groom’s to go through the wedding ceremony when she refused to get married in the ‘first place’ that a lot was at stake including the ‘pride and honour’ of both the families. Really sad ! What are the reasons?

One is surprised to see so many nice looking, educated and employed boys and girls among Badagas ready for marriage but hesitate to tie the knots since they are not sure for how long the sacred marriage would last?

Is it the ‘old mind set’ of the boys and their parents that the ‘wife – hendaru or daughter in law – sosay’ is expected to be only a second class citizen bringing water, cleaning the house, cooking and bearing children even if she is educated and can be gainfully employed?

Shockingly, it appears, the BPO driven ‘night shift’ non-performing boys, cannot carryout the fundamental principal of a marriage [that proclaims that a marriage is nothing but a public announcement of a private affair] and suffer from erectile dysfunctions and sexual deficiencies and thus cannot face their partners. Then they blame it all on the girl when they are grilled by his parents and relatives with the typical but crude Badaga sense of outrage, ‘ Ennu basaru aapillay’ya? – has she not become pregnant yet??’

Are the educated and employed girls not ready to share and enjoy life but live in a false world that they are ‘more’ than equal in most respects and forget the adage that the fundamental requirement for a successful marriage is nothing but ‘adjustment’? Do they feel being single is better than being singled out for failures??

Seeking a non – Badaga partner seems to be a fashion and passion without differentiating between love and infatuation.

Where is the problem, really?

Are we, the elders, with blinkers firmly in place, not seeing the truth in a broader perspective?

Is the insistence on ‘MORAY’ – that you cannot marry from certain villages as the boys and girls become brother- sister [relationship] – becoming the biggest stumbling block ? While one can understand and appreciate this moray system which was adopted by our ancestors due to medical and ethical reasons when there were few hattis established by brothers in the olden days, what is the ‘true’ picture now??

Are we contributing to the cause in a negative way and condemning our great community to a curse??


Have you visited these badaga websites

here or  here?

 

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